Summary
This book doesn’t reveal anything mind-blowing, but what Mark is good at is stating obvious things, reframing, and generally shaking people up with some language.
Bạn đang xem: The subtle art of not giving a f*ck
This is typically a book I recommend lớn people when they’re stuck in a rut, just had a breakup, etc. I’d suggest you pick it up if you’re in a similar situation. If you want khổng lồ go a bit deeper, you can read some older philosophy, but this is a much easier read.
Favorite Quotes"Everything worthwhile in life is won through surmounting the associated negative experience.”"True happiness occurs only when you find the problems you enjoy having và enjoy solving."Notes
The Feedback Loop from Hell
The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.Being xuất hiện with your insecurities paradoxically makes you more confident & charismatic around others. The pain of honest confrontation is what generates the greatest trust and respect in your relationships. Suffering through your fears & anxieties is what allows you to lớn build courage và perseverance.Everything worthwhile in life is won through surmounting the associated negative experience.The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck
Subtlety #1: Not giving a fuck does not mean being indifferent; it means being comfortable with being different.Subtlety #2: lớn not give a fuck about adversity, you must first give a fuck about something more important than adversity.Subtlety #3: Whether you realize it or not, you are always choosing what lớn give a fuck about.Happiness Comes from Solving Problems
Happiness is a constant work-in-progress, because solving problems is a constant work-in-progress—True happiness occurs only when you find the problems you enjoy having and enjoy solving.Emotions Are Overrated
Emotions are simply biological signals designed lớn nudge you in the direction of beneficial change.Choose Your Struggle
A more interesting question, a question that most people never consider, is, “What pain vì chưng you want in your life? What are you willing lớn struggle for?” Because that seems khổng lồ be a greater determinant of how our lives turn out.Who you are is defined by what you’re willing khổng lồ struggle for. People who enjoy the struggles of a gym are the ones who run triathlons and have chiseled abs and can bench-press a small house. People who enjoy long workweeks và the politics of the corporate ladder are the ones who fly to lớn the top of it. People who enjoy the stresses và uncertainties of the starving artist lifestyle are ultimately the ones who live it và make it.Rock Star Problems
If you want lớn change how you see your problems, you have to change what you value and/ or how you measure failure/ success.Shitty Values
If you want to change how you see your problems, you have lớn change what value and/or how you measure success/failure.As Freud once said, “One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful.”Defining Good & Bad Values
Good values are
1) reality-based,2) socially constructive, and3) immediate và controllable.Bad values are
1) superstitious,2) socially destructive, and3) not immediate or controllable.Some examples of good, healthy values:
honesty,innovation,vulnerability,standing up for oneself,standing up for others,self-respect,curiosity,charity,humility,creativity.You’ll notice that good, healthy values are achieved internally.
You’re Wrong About Everything (But So Am I)
Growth is an endlessly iterative process.Manson’s Law of Avoidance
The more something threatens your identity, the more you will avoid it.The Importance of Saying No
Freedom grants the opportunity for greater meaning, but by itself there is nothing necessarily meaningful about it. Ultimately, the only way lớn achieve meaning và a sense of importance in one’s life is through a rejection of alternatives, a narrowing of freedom, a choice of commitment to lớn one place, one belief, or (gulp) one person.Freedom Through Commitment
But depth is where the gold is buried. And you have to lớn stay committed to lớn something and go deep to dig it up. That’s true in relationships, in a career, in building a great lifestyle— in everything.Something Beyond Our Selves
all the meaning in our life is shaped by this innate desire to never truly die.Xem thêm: Gây ấn tượng với 36 trò ảo thuật đơn giản, 20+ trò ảo thuật đơn giản cho bé tự làm tại nhà
The Sunny Side of Death
Confronting the reality of our own mortality is important because it obliterates all the crappy, fragile, superficial values in life. While most people whittle their ways chasing another buck or a little bit more fame and attention, or a little bit more assurance that they’re right or loved, death confronts all of us with a far more painful and important question: What is your legacy?How will the world be different & better when you’re gone? What mark will you have made? What influence will you have caused?
And the primary lesson was this: there is nothing to be afraid of. Ever. & reminding myself of my own death repeatedly over the years— whether it be through meditation, through reading philosophy, or through doing crazy shit like standing on a cliff in South Africa— is the only thing that has helped me hold this realization front & center in my mind. This acceptance of my death, this understanding of my own fragility, has made everything easier— untangling my addictions, identifying and confronting my own entitlement, accepting responsibility for my own problems— suffering through my fears and uncertainties, accepting my failures và embracing rejections— it has all been made lighter by the thought of my own death. The more I peer into the darkness, the brighter life gets, the quieter the world becomes, & the less unconscious resistance I feel to, well, anything.
In my life, I have given a fuck about many people và many things. I have also not given a fuck about many people & many things. And those fucks I have not given have made all the difference.
People often say the key khổng lồ confidence and success in life is to simply “not give a fuck.” Indeed, we often refer to the strongest, most admirable people we know in terms of their lack of fucks given. Lượt thích “Oh, look at Susie working weekends again, she doesn’t give a fuck.” Or “Did you hear that Tom called the company president an asshole and still got a raise anyway? Holy shit, that dude does not give a fuck.” Or “Jason got up & ended his date with Cindy after trăng tròn minutes. He said he wasn’t going to lớn listen lớn her bullshit anymore. Man, that guy does not give a fuck.”
Chances are you know somebody in your life who, at one time or another, did not give a fuck và went on to accomplish amazing feats. Perhaps there was a time in your life where you simply did not give a fuck and excelled to some extraordinary heights. I know for myself, quitting my day job in finance after only six weeks & telling my quái vật that I was going khổng lồ start selling dating advice online ranks pretty high up there in my own “didn’t give a fuck” hall of fame. Same with deciding to lớn sell most of my possessions và move to lớn South America. Fucks given? None. Just went & did it.
Now, while not giving a fuck may seem simple on the surface, it’s a whole new bag of burritos under the hood. I don’t even know what that sentence means, but I don’t give a fuck. A bag of burritos sounds awesome, so let’s just go with it.
The point is, most of us struggle throughout our lives by giving too many fucks in situations where fucks vày not deserve to lớn be given. We give a fuck about the rude gas station attendant who gave us too many nickels. We give a fuck when a show we liked was canceled on TV. We give a fuck when our coworkers don’t bother asking us about our awesome weekend. We give a fuck when it’s raining và we were supposed lớn go jogging in the morning.
Fucks given everywhere. Strewn about lượt thích seeds in mother-fucking spring time. & for what purpose? For what reason? Convenience? Easy comforts? A pat on the fucking back maybe?
This is the problem, my friend.
Because when we give too many fucks, when we choose to give a fuck about everything, then we feel as though we are perpetually entitled to lớn feel comfortable & happy at all times, that’s when life fucks us.
Indeed, the ability khổng lồ reserve our fucks for only the most fuckworthy of situations would surely make life a hell of a lot easier. Failure would be less terrifying. Rejection less painful. Unpleasant necessities more pleasant and the unsavory shit sandwiches a little bit more savory. I mean, if we could only give a few less fucks, or a few more consciously-directed fucks, then life would feel pretty fucking easy.
What we don’t realize is that there is a fine art of non-fuck-giving. People aren’t just born not giving a fuck. In fact, we’re born giving way too many fucks. Ever watch a kid cry his eyes out because his hat is the wrong shade of blue? Exactly. Fuck that kid.
Developing the ability lớn control and manage the fucks you give is the essence of strength & integrity. We must craft và hone our lack of fuckery over the course of years & decades. Like a fine wine, our fucks must age into a fine vintage, only uncorked & given on the most special fucking occasions.
This may sound easy. But it is not. Most of us, most of the time, get sucked in by life’s mean trivialities, steamrolled by its unimportant dramas; we live và die by the sidenotes & distractions và vicissitudes that suck the fucks out of us lượt thích Sasha Grey in the middle of a gangbang.
This is no way to lớn live, man. So stop fucking around. Get your fucks together. Và here, allow me to fucking show you.
Subtlety #1: Not Giving a Fuck Does Not Mean Being Indifferent; It Means Being Comfortable With Being Different
When most people envision giving no fucks whatsoever, they envision a kind of perfect & serene indifference lớn everything, a calm that weathers all storms.
This is misguided. There’s absolutely nothing admirable or confident about indifference. People who are indifferent are lame and scared. They’re couch potatoes and internet trolls. In fact, indifferent people often attempt lớn be indifferent because in reality they actually give too many fucks. They are afraid of the world và the repercussions of their own choices. Therefore, they make none. They hide in a grey emotionless pit of their own making, self-absorbed và self-pitied, perpetually distracting themselves from this unfortunate thing demanding their time và energy called life.
My mother was recently screwed out of a large chunk of money by a close friend of hers. Had I been indifferent, I would have shrugged my shoulders, sipped some mocha & downloaded another season of The Wire. Sorry mom.
But instead, I was indignant. I was pissed off. I said, “No, screw that, mom. We’re going khổng lồ lawyer the fuck up và go after this asshole. Why? Because I don’t give a fuck. I will ruin this guy’s life if I have to.”
This illustrates the first subtlety about not giving a fuck. When we say, “Damn, watch out, Mark Manson just don’t give a fuck,” we don’t mean that Mark Manson doesn’t care about anything; on the contrary, what we mean is that Mark Manson doesn’t care about adversity in the face of his goals, he doesn’t care about pissing some people off to bởi vì what he feels is right or important or noble. What we mean is that Mark Manson is the type of guy who would write about himself in third person & use the word ‘fuck’ in an article 127 different times just because he thought it was the right thing lớn do. He just doesn’t give a fuck.
This is what is so admirable—no, not me, dumbass—the overcoming adversity stuff. The staring failure in the face & shoving your middle finger back at it. The people who don’t give a fuck about adversity or failure or embarrassing themselves or shitting the bed a few times. The people who just laugh và then bởi vì it anyway. Because they know it’s right. They know it’s more important than them & their own feelings & their own pride & their own needs. They say “Fuck it,” not to lớn everything in life, but rather they say “Fuck it” khổng lồ everything unimportant in life. They reserve their fucks for what truly fucking matters. Friends. Family. Purpose. Burritos. Và an occasional lawsuit or two. And because of that, because they reserve their fucks for only the big things, the important things, people give a fuck about them in return.
